Monday, September 27, 2010

Parker.


The premise of this story is a new start to the origins of Spider-Man. Yeah, origin stories suck. Believe me, they do. They almost always do. But prologue is still important, and since a lot of these ideas aren't going into St. Dementia, I figure now is as good as time as any to have a side-project that will get absolutely no endorsements and probably a cease-and-desist from Marvel/Disney very quickly.

Enjoy.

_______________


"Peter Parker, 18 years old. High School graduate with high honors in Science and Fine Arts."

"...so why do we have him behind bars tonight, Lieutenant?"

"Breaking and entering. It's a nice thing that the kid led us straight to Harvey Vaught, but he just had bad timing."

"Heh... Harvey Vaught, the piece of shit finally gets caught thanks to a kid. What was he doin' there anyway?"

"Parker says he was there to steal his TV, and he said it was personal. He claims that Vaught hit his dog one day and he just happened to know where he lived. We couldn't get a hold of his folks so we're keeping him here tonight."

"I hear 'ya, Lieutenant. At least he actually gets to walk away from this with a slap on the wrist. Vaught's goin' away forever for being the schmuck that he is."

"You're tellin' me, Detective. Go ahead and give his folks a call again, they might answer now that it's closer to morning. If I know Ben Parker, I know that he'll at least be awake by now."

"Sure thing."

Peter Parker leaned heavily against the bars of his cell with two inmates. This Manhattan jail was particularly empty. The inmates were playing cards with each other to pass the time. They both knew that they'd be out by morning. Peter Parker knew this. He also knew that while he may have gotten Vaught locked up for every possible crime against humanity, there will be another one to take his place soon.

Peter Parker was angry. And he began to smash the cell wall with his fists.

"Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!" He screamed.

The inmates looked at Peter, confused. What they didn't know is why Peter was so angry. Peter was angry because Vaught was responsible for a murder that was very close to Peter: His mother's.

"Calm down, kid. Your hands are gonna break before that wall ever does," said one of the inmates.

At a sudden loss of energy, Peter gave up and put his back to the wall and fell to a seated position, "I don't even care anymore..."

The sun peaked through the window as Peter was suddenly awoken by the cell door being unlocked. It only took a few seconds for Peter to notice that his cellmates have already been released back to their turf. He held back a grimace as the door was pulled open by Detective Brock.

"Your uncle's here to get you, Pete. Let's go."

Peter stretched and ran his hand through his greasy, brown hair. He took a bit of time to stand up before he noticed a sharp pain in his hands from his explosion last night. Several of his knuckles had dry blood on them. The blood was clearly his.

"Your nephew's very lucky that we caught him before Vaught did, Mr. Parker. Because of Peter, we were able to pick up one of Manhattan's worst. He should be pretty happy that he's only getting a warning and only his fingerprints in our database. We aren't gonna charge him this time, but make sure he's asleep before you are from now on."

"I'll be sure that Peter and I have a long talk about responsibility, Lieutenant. I'm grateful that you're keeping his record clean, and I definitely owe you one."

"Ben, it wasn't a favor. You and my Dad go way too long back for me to pretend like you owe me anything. If you'd like, though, we can get Peter signed up for some volunteer work here at the station? I hear he's great with lab work, and my crew could really use the help."

"I'm sure Peter would love to sign up as soon as he's available. Thank you, Mary-Jane."

Peter watched as the red-headed cop smiled at Uncle Ben as if he were her own father. He took special note at the way that she blushed, the way that she bit her bottom lip through her smile, and the way that she pushed her chair up very close to her desk so that she could rest her elbows on it with her hands under her chin. Very unprofessional looking for a Lieutenant. She must be eye-candy for the rest of the station, or completely useless on the field. How she ever got to be a Lieutenant is probably for the same reason that Manhattan's crime rate is reaching record highs: Because Manhattan is a fucked up place.

Peter slammed the door as he entered Uncle Ben's Oldsmobile. The car was in pristine condition with not a single stain or sign of use in it. Peter was going to have to clean the seat when he got home.

"Sorry," Peter said.

The car ride home was silent. Uncle Ben would only glance over at Peter at every stop light as Peter stared out the window, vacant.

Uncle Ben thought to himself that Peter was never like this even at the start of his adolescent years, but Ben also knew that Vaught was responsible for the death of Peter's mother. It came to no surprise why exactly Peter was caught at Harvey Vaught's home that night.

As Uncle Ben pulled the Oldsmobile into the Parker's driveway, he decided it's time to talk.

"Peter... I know what you wanted to do with Harvey Vaught."

Peter remained silent.

"I know what you were planning to do. You wanted to kill him."

"If I had met eyes with him, I don't even know what I would have done, Ben."

"There's no one to blame for that, Peter. Any hesitation is a sign that you're human enough to forgive him. Just imagine if you had actually gone through with it. How would you have felt to have taken a life?"

"I would have felt as a man does after a great feast. Satisfied."

Peter got out of the car and walked into the Parker home with his head down. Uncle Ben watched in astonishment as his nephew spoke the same words of a monster. Young Peter, child genius, with murderous intent on a wrongdoer.

"I understand, Peter," he said to himself as he killed the ignition on the Oldsmobile. Uncle Ben decided it was time to take a walk.

Aunt May was replacing a lightbulb as Peter tried to silently close the door behind him.

"I heard about what you did, young man, and I'm very upset with you," Aunt May said.

"I'm sorry, Aunt May, I really am. It's just... it was him, and I know it was him- I wanted ... to-"

Peter didn't even finish his sentence before he fell into May's arms and began to sob. Aunt May was more worried about Peter's safety than she was about his breaking and entering. If anything, she was happy that Peter made it home at all.

"Peter, look at me," she said softly. "The risks you take are going to follow you for the rest of your life. Some of these risks are far worse than any reward they may entail. Taking a person's life for taking a person's life is not a risk worth taking, because it will follow you closer than your own shadow, even after the sun has set on it."

Peter tried to hold back his anger towards Harvey Vaught, but images of his mother only made him cry harder at the feeling that he was not justified in trying to kill him for it.

"...but if I'm not strong enough to move on from it, why should I try to pretend that I'm strong enough to hide it?" Peter said.

"There is no shame in expressing how you feel, Peter. That is what your Uncle and I are here for. We are here to be your foundation when you can't stand on your own!"

"I know, Aunt May... I know, but what am I going to do when I don't have either of you anymore?"

"By then, you will have others to lean on in your times of need. By then, you will be strong enough to overcome any obstacle. By the time your Uncle and I are gone, we will have passed everything we have onto you, Peter. The rest of that will come once you decide to take it from us as a gift, and not as a curse."

Aunt May held Peter in her arms for longer than when she normally held him.

"Now please, Peter, go take a shower. You smell like jailbait."

Peter always admired her humor. Even if she sometimes delivers the punchline wrong.

Uncle Ben returned a few hours later with a paper bag under his left shoulder. Aunt May was out shopping with some girlfriends of hers, and the Parker home was otherwise quiet. He spent no time meandering around the kitchen or living room, but instead went straight upstairs to Peter's room. Ben only knocked twice before entering Peter's room. He found Peter in bed with his back to the door. He could tell that Peter had been brooding since his return home from jail.

"Peter, I picked you up something that I think you'll want to look at."

Peter didn't move. He only sighed heavily as he tried to ignore his Uncle.

"You can't really say no, son. So to better prepare you for it, you might as well listen to me now."

"Shoot," said Peter.

"There's a uhm... Genetics Fair at the Science Museum in a couple days. I figure since you don't have a job yet, and since it would be in your best interest to not let your mind rot, then you should probably attend and get some pictures to take home to your Aunt May and me."

"Great, pictures of DNA and birth defects and goatpig fetuses. That's a good one for the fireplace," Peter said sarcastically.

Uncle Ben sighed. "You can take your camera or leave it at home. It's your call, Pete. I know this is something you'd be interested in. And you only have two months left of your summer before you're stuck in college for the rest of your life, son. Might as well enjoy something while you still can."

Peter said nothing. Ben may have heard a "hmph" under Peter's breath, but he wasn't sure. He sat down on the other side of Peter's bed and put his hands on Peter's shoulder.

"Peter, talk to me. Tell me anything. Tell me everything that's on your mind right now."

Peter rolled over.

"I'll go to the Genetics Fair, Ben, but I won't take any pictures of the gross stuff."

If it was any other day, Ben would have fallen for that fake smile.

"I'm not talking about that, Peter. I want to talk to you about Harvey-"

"Well I don't, Ben. I don't. That sonofabitch got what he had coming, and I'm glad he has more left to deal with now that he's in a prison cell."

"So you've thought it over? You feel... better that you didn't try to kill him?"

"Are you kidding? If I had killed him, it'd be me behind bars right now. Now let me take the ticket and let me get back to sleeping in my bed."

"I want you to clean up the stench you left in my car before you do that, Pete. You can sleep afterwards," said Ben.

"I knew you wouldn't let me forget about that," Peter said, "you're always going to be my grandfather clock, Ben."

"Oh, an old man joke, Pete?"

"Don't call me Pete, Ben. That's what Eddie Brock calls me, and I hate being called Pete."

"Eddie Brock... it's so strange that he turned into a cop, and my nephew is the one that gets put behind bars for a night."

"He's only a cop because his dad was a cop, too. Are you gonna be buddy-buddy with him like you are with that Watson chick?"

"You be careful about what you say about Mary-Jane Watson, Peter, you just might be more involved with her in the future."

"Yeah right, you have a better chance with her than I do, Ben."

"Well if you want some pointers, son, she likes the dark and mysterious ones."

"Whatever, Uncle Ben. The only mystery here is what kind of government experiments she went through to have a body like that and not have to wear a back brace."

Ben laughed at Peter's joke. He knew that for now whatever inner demon Peter possesses had been quelled for the time being.

"Well c'mon, you have chores to do."

"Yeah, sure, Uncle Ben."

As Ben walked out of Peter's room, Peter flipped over his pillow and took the picture of his mother and placed it back into his lockbox. He thought to himself that Vaught was very lucky that he only has to deal with life in prison and nothing else. There was a short moment in Peter's mind where he thought of the way that Mary-Jane Watson had crossed her legs in her chair at her desk, and something about it made the hair on his neck stand up.

He quickly erased the thought out of his head. Mary-Jane was in a very secretive relationship with Eddie Brock, and he hated Eddie Brock, which by extension means that he hated her, too.

The day of the Genetics Fair came, and Uncle Ben dropped Peter off at the Science Museum.

"I'll be at home fixing the furnace, so you should call the house phone and not my cell, Peter."

"OK, Uncle Ben, see you soon!"

"Don't enjoy yourself too much, Peter."

"Oh, don't worry Ben, I'll contain myself as best as I can."

"You had better, because I invited Mary-Jane to come out here, too."

Ben rolled up his window smirking at Peter as he drove off.

"...sonofabitch..."

Peter took his camera out of his bag and put it over his face immediately after handing his ticket in to the receptionist as he walked into the Genetics Fair. He did his best to maintain anonymity. It was difficult for him, though. This particular convention actually contained many different fields of use for genetics. Peter felt like it was more of a job fair than it was a science festival.

Every station he stopped by had showed the prevalent theme in the city of Manhattan: crime. Essentially, each station showed how genetic science was used to solve crimes, and how there was an increasing demand for people interested in this field.

"Kind of a good way to recruit new talent, don't you think?" Mary-Jane got the jump on Peter and he nearly dropped his camera.

"Jesus, don't you have paperwork to fill out somewhere?"

She scoffed. "Peter! In all the years that I've spent babysitting you, I have never heard you say anything so rude!"

"Well don't pretend that you're here on business, MJ. Ben told me that you were here because he invited you. I thought that you two didn't like doing favors for each other?"

"How about this? I called in on one. I told Ben to invite me as a favor. I told him that I wanted to go so that I could be your date."

"Bullshit. You're with Eddie Brock and I know it, so don't play that game with me."

Another scoff. "I am SO not with Eddie Brock! He is my subordinate, and I can't be in a relationship with someone that I work with!"

"So when he came over to my place when I was younger, he just tried to kiss you a lot because he was bored?"

"Oh, Peter, you were such a naive little brat. What happened between me and Eddie now means about as much as the little fling that Flash Thompson had with me back in high school. Are you gonna tell me that you hated him, too?"

"...Flash Thompson. There's a name I was happy to have forgotten about when you guys all graduated. What does he do now, janitorial stuff?"

"Actually, he went off to Law School. What are you doing with your life?"

"Touche, Watson."

"C'mon, I have something I want to show you, Peter. I don't want you to be the most horrible date I've had."

"Whatever, let's go."

Peter and Mary-Jane approached one small lab-station that was completely unexpected by any stretch of Peter's imagination. It was so out of left-field for Peter that he got nervous and contemplated dashing out of the building and leaving his date behind.

"Here we have a collection of genetically altered specimens that have been spliced from various different species to form what you could call a "Super Spider" that is a culmination of all of its parent spider's unique traits combined into one," the tour guide reported to everyone that gathered around the station.

Peter was practically squirming to the back of the group because spiders made him sick to his stomach. Mary-Jane, however, pushed them both closer to the front of the line. This made Peter more and more uncomfortable with each step.

"Seriously, Peter, they're just spiders," she complained.

"Yeah, well, you can play around with the little hybrid-monsters. I need to get something to drink, or maybe buy an oxygen tank."

"You're such a coward, Peter."

Peter managed to pull himself out of the crowd and rushed to the nearest bathroom. He went to the nearest toilet and vomited as his nerves overcame him. He really did hate spiders.

"As you can see, these spiders have inherited the abilities of each one of their parents. From precognitive reflexes to advanced predator camouflaging. Some of them can even move so quickly that they do not even need to trap their prey with a web to capture them."

"That's amazing," Mary-Jane spoke out loud to herself. She noticed that one particular spider was indeed camouflaged into the corner of its cage. As she leaned in closer, she noticed that it made itself look like a husk, almost as if it had shed its skin or molted.

"Ma'am, could you please step away from the cages please? Those spiders are quite venomous, and they will bite if they are agitated."

"Oh! Sorry!" Mary-Jane suddenly became nervous and turned around away from the cages.

What she didn't notice is that the spider was camouflaged much better than she had noticed. The spider only appeared to be on the inside of its cage, and without being noticed, it had lept across from the outside of its cage and attached itself to her purse, almost immediately blending in with its new surroundings.

"Ugh, where the hell is he?"

Peter finally left the bathroom after cleaning up. He needed something to fill his now empty stomach, and luck would have it that his date, whom he was trying to avoid, was waiting in line at the concession stand.

"Damnit," Peter whispered to himself. "Well, I can't just duck out of here, otherwise Ben will never let me hear the end of it."

Peter looked over again as Mary-Jane bent over to look at the menu that might as well have been inappropriately placed too low beneath the counter for even the shortest of people.

"Would anybody pass up this opportunity?" Peter said. He raised his camera back over his face and zoomed all the way in. "God, I'm such a bastard." After taking a couple photos, he put his camera away and approached Mary-Jane.

"Did you get what you were looking for, Tiger?"

"...oh shi-"

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you're a stalker, Peter."

Peter might as well have been sweating bullets. She's actually a better cop than he thought.

"So what makes you so squeamish about spiders?"

"Buh... everything. Something about the ones that have prickly hairs and miniature fangs that drive me up the wall. And have you ever seen a spider's thorax? Some of them might as well be tiny sacks of acid for all that we know. There's actually entire species of spiders that we still haven't even identified yet, and who knows what kind of danger they could be if they were moved into this kind of environment!"

"Gee, Peter, some of them might die of all the excitement of being in Manhattan. And here you are, freaking out as if they're invading the country."

"Not invading, being bred in- manufactured, if you will. You saw the exhibit; those things are being created as super predators... completely against nature!"

"Hey now, Peter. Remember, you're on a date, not a class lecture. Let's talk about other things, shall we?"

She placed her hand on top of his, and Peter only got more worked up. As he stared completely bewildered at her hand, Mary-Jane was now leaning over the table at him."

"You know, I always liked when you got all crazy over your science-geek stuff. And with this new bad-boy attitude you've got going on, I think we could get something really good started here."

"I uh... well," Peter was even more nervous now. She was getting closer to him than he was comfortable with.

"How about we make this moment something to remember," she was blushing the same way that she did when she was talking to Uncle Ben. As she got closer, she even bit her bottom lip the same way. Peter wasn't feeling his nerves anymore. Now it was simply pure adrenaline.

He didn't even notice the sudden prick on his right hand that was starting to overwhelm any other feeling that he was having. He was actually getting very dizzy, and his arm went numb before he started to black out.

"Peter? What's goin-" is all that he heard before he fell out of his chair.

Peter Parker had collapsed just seconds before kissing Mary-Jane Watson. Although he was completely unaware of it, his unconscious body landed directly onto the very thing that pricked his right hand. A small, genetically-altered spider that's crushed corpse blended in with the carpeted flooring as Peter was picked up by another fairgoer to be brought to the bathroom.

His last thoughts before slipping entirely into unconscious was: "Wow, fate is a bitch."













Thursday, September 23, 2010

This was a gaming blog???

Believe me or don't. I promise I won't get mad.

I took a break from blogging after getting rejected from a summer internship from two different places. Not being an asshole, I'm not gonna bitch about it beyond that.

There is something I've wanted to get off my chest for a while, though. It's mostly school related, but I think it's important because it's put me down a completely different path. For starters, I'm no longer a CMST major. I have left it all behind for Mass Comm. My former advisor noted that there's not much of a difference in the job fields available to me in going from one to the other. Be that as it may, but the skills I am learning are far different from what I was getting in the previous major.

CMST was great, but at best, I was learning the most out of the sequence that I was least interested in: Performance and Rhetoric. Yeah, I was good- possibly great at it, but I'm not interested in going to be a motivational speaker rather than a public speaker who represents an organization I'm more akin to.

I mean, you can't be a motivational speaker to lift people's spirits about playing video games. Sure, I could have pushed the idea, but no company would take me serious enough to pay me for it.

I can, however, sell a brand. Very well, in fact. I've been doing it for five years now. It wouldn't be hard to jump ship to a new set of colors just for a paycheck.

With that being said- I am a Mass Comm major with an emphasis on Public Relations.

I am keeping my options open regardless of my decision. I will do my best to go for my MBA in the field, and if that doesn't lead to much, I'm gonna start school all over for something in Law Enforcement. I'm thinking of getting into police work.

What a strange jump from gaming that would be.

There's still writing, of course. I started doing shitty sketches of parts of the story to St. Dementia in my book. Just single frames that I needed to put on paper for the sake of having it on paper. Maybe I'll have to pass the torch to someone more interested in actually pursing my story to actually get it out there.

I need to hit the hay.

Later.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Rest In Ring

I finally got the nerve to go to Wal-Mart and exchange my shuffle for a Nano. No more than an hour after I got home, my Elite finally red ringed. Yes... about two years following the expiration of Microsoft's warranty being available, it red rings. *sad face*

That was some of the best times I've had with a video game console, and I have no problem stopping into Best Buy tomorrow to replace it with an Arcade. I'll even give their Service Center at Microsoft a call just to take a chance on seeing if they'll fix my Elite.

Yeah, I'm pissed that I can't finish this night off with some MW2, but I guess for now I could just substitute that with some Res: Remake for 'le Cube. The only game in the last ten years that's scared the shit out of me with the exception of Dead Space and Fatal Frame. Orrrrrr, I could just go through more of MGS4, right?

Well, for now I'm gonna spend some time bitching about a topic that's always gonna be important... I guess. The everlasting "best game ever" war. Yeah, it's always going to be something that's "flame-on" for the fanboys out there that can't help jumping on their keyboards to consistently badger other fanboys for liking something that they don't. So why the fuck not join in and do the same right here!?!?

How often are you flamed for liking something someone else doesn't? I'm sure we've had our Backstreet Boys are better than Jay-Z fights at one point in our lives; knowing full well that such an argument isn't plausible. But I think what's most important to this is knowing that not all things are relevant when it comes down to it. I've been told by one person that their favorite game ever was Donkey Kong Country, and that it was better than any of the crap that comes out today. Well, as obvious and fair of a statement that is- I think it's a bit late for Donkey Kong to make a comeback into canon releases (since Nintendo/Rare doesn't care to re-dignify the ape with a standalone title to reclaim his throne), let alone bring back an SNES series that's over ten years old to compare with what's coming out today. It's a bit... intangible. Basically, it's a difficult topic to go on; what really is the best game? Well, how about the one that's holding the audience's attention best at the moment? How about the one that, for now, is doing what other games can't? Keep the players playing.

What am I playing now? Well, it's mostly a shifting behavior. I'm sure that at some point, what I want to play will change. Right now, it's the shooters. I can't get enough of the good'n's. Now, not that I'm solely into the MW2's and the Halo's, but let's just establish that some of the better FPS' are holding my interest better than the games that I'd spend just as many hours playing back from my tweens to about eighteen.

Take for interest- RPG's. Wow, what happened? These things used to be my favorite games ever. I could probably play Chrono Trigger again if someone bought it for my DS *wink wink*. The day my sister gives back my SNES, I'm gonna pop in FFIII (you know which one it really is). I would be ecstatic if I could get my hands on Secret of Evermore/Mana within the next decade.

Let's face it: RPG's were the shit back then. But are they now?

The current topic of debate is the ongoing battle between JRPG's and WRPG's (Japanese vs. Western... don't you all think that "Western" is almost paradoxical, considering that... well, Asia is technically more "Westside" than USA is?)

Essentially, both sides are getting to be stupid. They shoot back and forth about how their opposing side is going to fall off of itself, and all the while, I keep seeing both sides repeating the same game they released last year. Which I guess is what everyone is guilty for within every genre, but nonetheless, this one hits me a little more at home.

FFXIII is due out now in two months and eight days. The next big WRPG appears to be somewhere along the lines of Fallout: New Vegas and whatever Bioware has planned for consoles that isn't Star Wars related.

One douchebag I always seem to be reading comments from on Kotaku put it pretty well: WRPG's are just re-releasing KOTOR over and over again, while JRPG's keep re-releasing FF. (I'm not quoting him because I don't give a fuck)

This is the direct competition that we're seeing. And yes, both sides have stated that the other will die out sooner or later. Which clearly, neither will anytime soon, no matter what their opponent says. There's a large enough fanbase for both sides to keep them from going out. So for the time being, we're gonna see the same ole' same ole'. Atlus will get away with releasing shoddy titles with subpar presentations and incomprehensible (due to poor English translations) storylines meeting arbitrarily difficult gameplay, while Bio-Thesda will release heavy story driven games that will be judged negatively on their immature (yes, I've heard people say that the gameplay is "immature," in what I'm assuming is in relation to the depth of the gameplay versus whatever clusterfuck you'll find in JRPG's) gameplay instead of what stories they tell.

I hate to make it sound like I'm picking a side on this one; but I'm really not. What I like about one, I hate about the other... and vise versa. I've been trying with THE BEST OF MY PATIENCE not to throw Demon's Souls out the window for its punishing and arduous battle system. Throw in the shitty ass Dualshock 3 controller setup, and you get me breaking knuckles on the wall, just like MW2 Kid. You know who he is. While at the same time, I'm trying to keep myself interested in Dragon Age: Origins. I'm REALLY trying. REALLY. It's a super easy game so far... so far... yeah. But I just can't find myself caring about what's going on. There's some LoTR shit going on here, people are joining me, left and right... I've got a dog. (sigh) I'm constantly reminded that Mass Effect looked beautiful in comparison. And altogether, I've learned the main plot of the game not more than three hours of playing it... which won't be accomplished for what seems to be another 60 hours later. That first boss fight in the tower was pretty cool with the finishing move that I had no part in, but still looked really damn cool considering that every other RPG boss just falls over and gives up after you brush off 99,232 damage on his legs.

What Dragon Age lacks in keeping me attached, Demon's Souls banishes itself from my love by pissing me off in the first dungeon crawl at Castle Boletaria. Yeah, I suck that much at that game that I can't even get passed the first dungeon after you most certainly die against the Vanguaard and find yourself in the Nexus. I can't seem to master the shoddy parry/riposte system. It's like, some enemies are simple. Others, however- are ridiculous. They'll start swinging fast... like YEAH I GOT THIS... and then mid-swing, they just go slow-mo, almost like they're juking you into hitting parry too early by just a hair. And yet, when their attack lands, you flinch, fall back a bit, and are opened for their sudden 4-hit combo that takes your health to near... after-death? Oh yeah, don't forget that you have to reclaim your soul-filled bloodstain that mysteriously appears in a location roughly a few meters from whatever brutally murdered you a few hours after you ran through a large portion of the dungeon. And don't forget that you have to kill everything all over again to reclaim that bloodstain, with damaged equipment, scarcer supplies that seem to be more difficult to replenish after dying, and ultimately, a deterred will to continue living because you know that you just got fucked over by one of the little guys because the stamina system is something that needs to be fucking axed. All in the hopes that you progress just a few rooms further before the next little guy cuts you the fuck up for making eye contact with it and further recycles the ever-repeating process.

After all that is said and done- I find myself shooting the shit out of Christmas Nubs on MW2.

There's a point at which I think the happy medium can be obtained in RPG's again, and hopefully, that comes in the form of FFXIII when March rolls-in. The game series that has yet to disappoint me in the realm of RPGs, yet has always kept me just far enough away to know that they aren't exactly perfect, either, without being upset about it. Where Final Fantasy suffers for repeating the same storyline over and over, it still excels in the very way they do it. Add their tried and true battle system, and you have another winner in the beginning of 2010.

All the while, I'm still thinking about Bioshock 2. ^_^





Saturday, December 5, 2009

CoD 6: Modern World at Warfare 2 1/2

I've got to stop having crushes on people. It's probably not healthy.

Try having an epiphany that has nothing to do with solving a problem whatsoever. Yeah, that worst kind of revelation you can think of. That whole "Icarus Complex" one can have because they find out that there is no solution to what they are trying to accomplish.

I've come to terms with the fact that no one from the outside is ever going to understand video games, let alone get the title of any game right. You know, I'm not going to pigeonhole it to people on the outside, because people who love video games are fucking stupid, too.

Today- my patience was tested. Again. For the eleventy-billionth time. Not because of someone asking an honest question regarding games, but because some smartasses thought they knew more about what they were looking for than I did. Awesome. I'm sure anyone who sells shit they like gets the same feeling when someone tries to stump you about something you idolize.

I'm going to mock Nintendo Wii fans today- no- not the "Nintendo Wii fans who know their shit" fans, I'm talking about the Mom's and Grandpa's and the otherwise "completely-uninterested-in-the-video-game-world-assholes" Nintendo Wii fans. God, you're so lucky that Nintendo has some greedy pieces of shit using douchebag marketing strategies to clean out your wallets because you're too fucking smug to see that you're wasting your money on aesthetics.

Now before I go too far into the darkside of the Nintendo Wii- I want to thank the people who genuinely ASK me if it's a waste of their money to buy these shitty ass products that are EXACTLY what you think they are- a waste of money. I want to thank the people that actually listen to what I have to say when I'm helping them find these games without treating me like I'm some clod they hired to stand behind a shit-camera stand.

*Ahem*

So today my initial asshole called me over to Nintendo stuff. And instead of asking me for New Super Mario Bros. for the Wii, they said- "This section. The only game that's red. Can you handle that?"

I smiled, and said: "So you want New Super Mario Bros. for the Wii?"

"No. It's Super Mario Bros. New. It's the ONLY one with a red case!"

*facepalm.*

Oh hey, should I grab you Smuggerfuckles: I've Been A Gamer for Two Months, too? Honestly, go to hell. Just because you got yourself that piece of crap doesn't mean you belong in the gaming world, you oaf.

"Of course."

"Can I walk around with this game in my cart? I still have shopping to do."

"'fraid not. It's in the lockup, so I've got to either ring it up here, or I can drop it off at the lanes for whenever you're ready."

"...that's weird, you'd think these things wouldn't need to be protected."

No, of course not. These things are valueless to the fullest extent. Little shitbags haven't already stolen these $50+ disks for years before you found it to be socially acceptable to be a part of something you probably vilified long before the Wii came out. (come to think of it, the media used to say that all video games rot your mind; and now that there are such games that actually do because of the Wii, people love them, and will blow all their money just to have them. Heh... irony IS funny!)

I don't want to dwell on this bullshit, but seriously- this Wii trend needs to stop... fast. Not for the financial reasons, because I know that if it had failed- then Nintendo would have waved its long overdue white flag, but because people need to understand that it's not a fucking video game anymore. It's a machine that was built for the mentally disabled. A machine built for the sole purpose of resetting your mind back to the years where anything was believable, and therefore plausible.

-OF COURSE YOU CAN MAKE A SUBSTANTIAL LIFESTYLE CHANGE BY WORKING OUT ON OUR PATENTED WII BALANCE BOARD! IT'S PERFECT TO SHED THOSE UNWANTED POUNDS!

-OUR MOTION DETECTION SYSTEM IS TOP NOTCH! YOUR MOVEMENTS ARE TRACKED BY OUR SENSOR BAR THAT HAS EXCELLENT RESPONSE TO THE VERY WAY YOU MOVE... just buy the motion plus attachment so that it's actually an accurate response.

-OUR GAMES HAVE THE GREATEST GRAPHICS OF ALL! WE DON'T NEED TO MOVE UP TO HIGH DEFINITION LIKE THOSE OTHER GUYS DO JUST TO IMPRESS YOU! ...what's a Gamecube? No, it definitely didn't have a better processing engine than the Wii does. *chuckles* Heh? What's 1080p? That sounds stupid.

Seriously, you're getting duped. Hard. All of you. I've heard of these fucking mediocre games that are coming out for your mediocre video game system that's only means of conveyance for me was playing the new Smash Bros. and Zelda: TP, which was a fucking disappointment anyway. So in essence, this is what I have to say to Nintendo: Get your fucking act together. You already have all the money in the world from the idiots who bought this system butt-ass naked, now give back to the people who gave a rat's ass about what games you're putting out instead of making another fucking stupid sports accessories bundle that serves no actual purpose other than giving people a larger hit-box in their living room.

I'm too frustrated to finish this. MW2 time.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Oh Hey... Forks! Time to Gouge My Eyes Out!

I can't fucking believe this.

This piece of shit. Actually. Exists. He seriously fucking exists. God help me, this kid fucking exists.

Type in "foxmcloudds" over at youtube when you get the opportunity... go ahead, just do it. I can wait. I just want you to take a few hours to watch that so that it makes sense when you read what I have to say when you get back.

*twiddles thumbs*


...done yet? I knew you couldn't handle more than fifteen seconds of that crap. Don't feel bad, neither could I.


So, I'm not going to spend any time picking apart shit from his videos and then make a trollgument go on here. We're here to point out the stupidity of the gaming world, not start nerd fights over the internet. Well, I suppose it's not much different. But yeah...

I just want to start off with "Actually.... Act-tual-ly..."


The general response to this kid Kris Fox is that from the direct competition- the Microsoft and Sony fanboys. I watched a couple response videos where other fat, awkward, and potentially stupid trolls retort in bitter agony over the content of these videos that Fox posts. And as the console wars go on, such things will continue in new, annoying ways. I sure as hell can't change that. But what I will take part in, is the direct and methodical bullying of a completely pathetic group of shitfaces, right here at The Herp.

Honestly, it doesn't bother me one bit that Fox says what he says. I probably would agree with the kid if all I thought was relevant to gaming was what recycled franchise Nintendo had to put out next. Hell, I'd be the biggest Foxmcloudds fanboy there ever was that doesn't wear Naruto headbands to school or carries my DS on my backpack straps to show off my cool as hell Hot Topic stickers to all the other tools out there in the Nintendoverse.

But again, this post is about the kid himself, not the content of his intent. Trust me, I'd feel a fool if I were to rant about how much I love my Xbox experience, or how dusty my Wii got before I sold it. If you are looking for a response to what his videos entail, then... uhh... goodbye.

If you think this kid is fun and exciting and interesting from watching his videos, then I have some awesome news for you: He's none of the above.

I personally have never met anyone more awkward in my life. Ever. I usually adore awkwardness; it's a sign that you're aware of other people, while still not so overconfident that you'd step over your own mother to shake hands with someone you just met. But not this time; this is the kind of awkward that makes your stomach do somersaults and makes you want to puke. This is the kind of awkward that's like Alan Rickman telling you that he just kicked your dog in the face with his voice.

Now I'm not just walking into the subject of this clown because it's a random thought. Turns out I've been hating on his shit ever since he started doing this, and unknowingly, I've been a stone's throw away from being able to deck the kid in the mouth in person... THIS WHOLE TIME!!!!

I don't just flame people for no reason. It usually takes a couple things before I try to make you feel uncomfortable around me in the first place. Fox reached Defcon 5 in less than one day. Had I known that it was actually HIM that I was dealing with in the first place, I probably could have avoided having to deal with this troll in such a manner.

So I took the time to watch his rather classy Scribblenauts opening video. And this is probably the only one that I have taken to heart, just because, to an extent, it does involve me.

And by the way, watching people open up new games on video with a pair of scissors is probably the most pathetic thing I've ever seen.

Prior to this video being made, I want you all to know that Fox purchased this game. Twice. You read that right: twice. We're not talking about buying two copies of the same game just so you can have one you play, and one you can hang on your wall to jerk off to because you can sell it on Amazon as a Mint in Plastic collectible. We're talking about, "I bought it from an unknowing jackass at GameCrazy, then returned it the next day to fuck up his/her numbers."

I was told that such an event was not uncommon, as this shit has done this more than once before. Do you know why he does this?



Because that piece of shit takes in the Pre-Order gifts so that he can compare them between what GameCrazy gives and what Gamestop gives. And the other cockface in the background says something rather sly about which is the better gift between the two.

Yes again, your eyes aren't fucked up. Fox here buys the game from GameCrazy (if the opportunity arises for the ever elusive SharkTroll to cash in on), then he returns it the next day. And wouldn't 'ya know, he gloats about why he does it: "Oh, I just bought it from my store so that I could get the discount."

Yeah, grats on being a smartass. A fine day it'll be when that little piece of crap Sribble-Dictionary catches fire in your treehouse looking bedroom and kills you and your twelve year old girlfriend.

You see, it's not entirely what he posts that's put me into a nerd-rage, it's the fact that he actually is as socially awkward, socially oblivious, and possibly more disgusting to look at than Alan Rickman is as I had previously thought him to be before I even met Fox. I guess I'm just... baffled, that he even had the confidence to talk to a camera for an audience to view him express himself like he does in these videos. I promise you, if you've ever met him at Gamestop, or perhaps see him anywhere in St. Cloud as I, and apparently many other associates of mine have, you would know that this turd is most likely the proudest troll to have ever typed on the internet. But like every troll, there is a master above him...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Middle Management

Excuse I!

There's nothing like cramming as many tasks as you possibly can while sandwiching all of that with depriving yourself with sleep. I don't really want to go any further with that because it's all been said before by other douchebags.

However, there's a fine line I want to draw today between business and Ma & Pa shops. I'll tell you one thing, I'm glad I don't work for the latter. If people came to me every day and tried to get shit for free from me while I was at a Mom 'n' Popper, I'd probably kill myself with how much money I'd end up losing. Then again, some customers make me want to off myself enough without asking for free goodies.

Enter the Yaeger, an apparent, long-disgruntled customer, foaming at the mouth from genital rabies passed on from his raccoon of a mother, and then again passed on to his needle-sharing girlfriend. I've seen less doucheass morons in Axe commercials. This guy's story?

"So, I think in the last 360 I sent out, I might have left my NBA Live in the disk drive..."
"Oh, ok, do you remember which one?"
"Uhm, well I think it was NBA 2007- no wait, 200.... no I know, it's 2009."
"Really."
"Yeah, I think you guys took my game."
"Hmm, your 360 was sent to corporate about a month ago. Are you sure you left it in there?"
"Positive."
"Well, see, there's not a 360 here for me to check and see if it has the game in there. So I'm not sure what I can do at my level, man."
"Well..."
"Yeah, no, that one doesn't have it in there."
"Well, I would like to get my game back."
"Ok, if your game was here, I would, but it's not."
"So what do I do?"
"I dunno, the best I can do is sell you a like copy, like say, NBA Live 2008; I don't have 2o09 in stock."
"...fuck."
"Yeah."
"So wait, you can only SELL me the game?"
"Yeah, I can't just give you one, you know, there's nothing I can but sell you one."
"What the fuck. Ever since I started coming here, I keep getting fucked over by this fucking company. No wonder you're going out of fucking business, because you keep fucking people over."
"That's neither here nor there, man. The company is still going to have two stores, so we're not going out of business, either... Oh, you'll have to go out the other side, that door's locked."
"This ... fucking seriously, god damnit. This is bull-shit."

/sigh

No, I don't feel bad. That's the first time I've ever seen the guy, and he immediately made more of an ass of himself than any piece of shit who's ever waltzed their way in asking for free shit. OK, so there's maybe a few that are close, but still. It'd be different if I had a copy of NBA Live 2002 for the Playstation sitting in the trash somewhere, but no, I'm not just gonna give out a 360 game to someone who starts talking shit to me like it's our fault the store is getting shut down.

So I called Jen to bitch about him, and it appears we both needed to vent about that dumb fuck. Turns out we sent the guy's 360 out to corporate to get fixed like a month ago, and for him to come up with the brilliant idea that his game was left in the disk tray was so broken, it literally posed no threat to my "dumb fucking knavery radar," and passed right through without hazard. The stupid bastard had no evidence backing that this game was anywhere, and probably wasn't even in his possession of ownership! Guh, fucking guy.

So anyway, reason why I'm posting tonight is because I'm in that stage of "fear of sleep" because of ... you guessed it, Paranormal Activity.

For those of you that haven't heard, this movie went national on Friday, and by Bob, itself, I am going to ruin my life over it.

It's all in good fun, scaring the shit over yourself when you make sounds in your head and try to link that immediately to an unknown force from another dimension! What, you've never been?
Seriously, though. I've heard stories. I'm cringing, just thinking about it. How the whole fucking thing just goes under when the boyfriend makes things worse.

I need to sleep, but I kinda can't; which is totally fucking over any chance I have of studying for Tuesday and Wednesday's exams. Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to revise and memorize a script for my second performance, too.

At least my third exam for Comm. in the Workplace is just a typed response to interview questions. I'm totally gonna win.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I'll Remember, That This Isn't Over

I've been listening to this band, Sky Eats Airplane, for about the last couple days. Introduced to me by JRLOLOL, I was skeptical, but then grew to enjoy it. Support them so they make more stuff. Yeah.

So there's this movie called Paranormal Activity that's apparently a huge hit right now. Something about this whole "a million demands and it'll go nation-wide." When stuff like this happens, I get fucking hyped. It's been a while since a scary movie fucked me up in the head since The Grudge. I still get creeped out when I see the DVD cover pretty much every time. And now after I see this one, I'm probably gonna add that onto that little problem.

Then there's Where The Wild Things Are. If I miss this movie, I'm gonna fight someone to the death.

Hmm, I don't really have much else to say today. I guess uhh, 26 days to MW2. Gotta get started on piecing together my Halloween costume. Goodbye.